I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
