I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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