You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
