My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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