after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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