From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
