my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
