I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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