Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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