dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
