Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
