I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
