My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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