I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
