Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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