No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
