two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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