yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
