It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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