I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
