u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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