so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
