i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
