I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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