I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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