I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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