It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
