Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
