Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
