Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
