Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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