So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
