smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
