lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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