Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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