I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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