We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
