quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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