I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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