Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
