You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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