can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
two words: eviction party
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
