I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
