I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
