matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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