I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
