in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
