Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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