we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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