I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
