Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
