I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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